By visiting my Site and providing information to us, you consent to such transfer to, and processing in the US.
Information Collection and Use
If you sign up for the email newsletter, you give me your email address and I send you emails. I won’t send you a ton, and I won’t send you ads for third-party products. You’ll get updates, once a week, that include details about updates made on this website. From time to time I may send out a special email, like in case a nuclear war starts and you don’t get out much, because I think you’ll want to know about that. Also if I write a book or something and want to send a special email about it.
When you visit the Site, my servers automatically record information that your browser sends whenever you visit a website (“Log Data”). This Log Data may include information such as your IP address, browser type or the domain from which you are visiting, the web-pages you visit, the search terms you use, and any advertisements on which you click. For most users accessing the Internet from an Internet service provider the IP address will be different every time you log on. I use Log Data to monitor the use of the Site and of my Service, and for the Site’s technical administration. I do not associate your IP address with any other personally identifiable information to identify you personally, except in case of violation of the Terms of Service, which I actually haven’t created yet.
In other words, I’m watching you all the time, and if you mess around with me I’ll report you to the NSA, Homeland Security, and Donald Trump’s hair stylist, and you’ll end up hanging out with Edward Snowden for the next 10 years.
Information Sharing and Disclosure
We engage certain trusted third parties to perform functions and provide services to us, including, without limitation, hosting and maintenance, billing, customer relationship, database storage and management, and direct marketing campaigns. I will share your personally identifiable information with these third parties, but only to the extent necessary to make tons of money off you and to perform these functions and provide such services, and only pursuant to binding contractual obligations requiring such third parties to maintain the privacy and security of your data.
Compliance with Laws and Law Enforcement
I hesitantly cooperate with government and law enforcement officials or private parties to enforce and comply with the law. I may disclose any information about you to government or law enforcement officials or private parties as we, in my sole discretion, believe necessary or appropriate to respond to claims, legal process (including subpoenas), to protect the property and rights of me or a third party, the safety of the public or any person, to prevent or stop any illegal, unethical, or legally actionable activity, or to comply with the law.
I am very concerned about safeguarding the confidentiality of your personally identifiable information. I employ administrative, physical and electronic measures designed to protect your information from unauthorized access. I will make any legally-required disclosures of any breach of the security, confidentiality, or integrity of your unencrypted electronically stored personal data to you via email or conspicuous posting on this Site in the most expedient time possible and without unreasonable delay, consistent with (i) the legitimate needs of law enforcement or (ii) any measures necessary to determine the scope of the breach and restore the reasonable integrity of the data system.
Links to Other Websites
Our Site contains links to other websites. The fact that I link to a website is not an endorsement, authorization or representation of my affiliation with that third party. I do not exercise control over third party websites. These other websites may place their own cookies or other files on your computer, collect data or solicit personally identifiable information from you. Other sites follow different rules regarding the use or disclosure of the personally identifiable information you submit to them. I encourage you to read the privacy policies or statements of the other websites you visit.
My Policy Towards Children
Children are the best! But the Site is not directed to persons under 13. If a parent or guardian becomes aware that his or her child has provided me with personally identifiable information without their consent, he or she should contact me at email@example.com. I do not knowingly collect personally identifiable information from children under 13. If I become aware that a child under 13 has provided me with personal identifiable Information, I will delete such information from my files.
Changes to this Policy